Our Eschatology
What we actually believe — because every satirist has a confession of faith.
ADN News exists to satirize bad eschatology with love, not contempt. But satire without conviction is just snark. Here is what we believe, stated plainly, so you know what we're actually aiming for.
We Are Postmillennialists
We believe the Kingdom of God is not a future emergency evacuation plan — it is a present, growing reality. Jesus declared, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me" (Matthew 28:18), and he gave that declaration before he sent the church into the world. The Great Commission is not a holding pattern; it is a conquest strategy. The mustard seed becomes a tree. The leaven fills the whole loaf. The knowledge of the Lord covers the earth as the waters cover the sea (Habakkuk 2:14).
We expect history to end in triumph, not in a last-minute helicopter extraction. The nations are being discipled. The church is growing. Christ is reigning now, at the right hand of the Father, and he will reign until every enemy is made a footstool (1 Corinthians 15:25).
We Are Partial Preterists
We believe that most of the prophetic passages cited in end-times conferences — Matthew 24, much of Revelation, the Olivet Discourse — were fulfilled in the events surrounding the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70. Jesus said "this generation will not pass away" (Matthew 24:34), and he meant the generation he was speaking to. He was right. He is always right.
This is not a new or fringe view. It was held by John Calvin, John Owen, Matthew Henry, and more recently by R.C. Sproul, Kenneth Gentry, Gary DeMar, and David Chilton. The Left Behind industry is the fringe. We are the boring mainstream.
What We Are Not
Not Full Preterists
We believe the Second Coming, the bodily resurrection, and the final judgment are still future. We are partial preterists — most prophecy is fulfilled; not all of it.
Not Anti-Israel
We love the Jewish people. We believe God's covenant faithfulness is unimpeachable. We simply don't believe that requires reading every Middle East news cycle through Daniel 9.
Not Contemptuous of Dispensationalists
Many of us were once dispensationalists. Most of our family still are. We love them. We just think they are wrong about this particular thing, and we'd rather laugh about it together than argue about it at Thanksgiving.
Recommended Theologians
- R.C. Sproul — The Last Days According to Jesus
- Kenneth Gentry — He Shall Have Dominion, Before Jerusalem Fell
- Gary DeMar — Last Days Madness, End Times Fiction
- David Chilton — Paradise Restored, Days of Vengeance
- Greg Bahnsen — Victory in Jesus
- Douglas Wilson — Heaven Misplaced: Christ's Kingdom on Earth, When the Man Comes Around (Wilson writes postmillennialism with wit and pastoral warmth, making him one of the most readable advocates for a victorious, Kingdom-advancing eschatology)
"The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it." — Psalm 24:1. This is a present tense statement, not a future hope.